"Be good to your children. They will choose your nursing home."

"If I do right no one remember, if i do wrong no one forget."

"I have a great diet. You're allowed to eat anything you want, but you must eat it with naked fat people."

"You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is."

"I may be only one person, but I can be a person who makes a difference".

"If you want something done right, do it yourself."

"Don't drink and drive. You might spill your beer."

"Whether you think you can or you think you can't - you are right."

"I´m not gay, but my boyfriend is!"

"I have two good qualities, one is my memory and the other, and the other, and the other..."

"2 B or not 2 B, that is the pencil..."

"40 is twice as good as 20."

"Heaven is where the humor is British, the cooks are French, the mechanics German, the lovers Italian and it is all organized by the Swiss. Hell is where the humor is German, the mechanics are French, the lovers Swiss, the cooks British and it is all organized by the Italians."

"Don't fly faster than your angel can fly."

"Good girls go to heaven...Bad girls go everywhere!"

"I lost my wife and my dog. Reward for the dog."

PHRASES FOR THOSE STRESSING DAYS

Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.

This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

You! Off my planet !!

I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

Do they ever shut up on your planet?

I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

How many times do I have to flush before you go away?

Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2?

Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done.

Earth is full. Go home.

Is it time for your medication or mine?

I plead contemporary insanity.

When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you

HOW DO YOU SAY ...IN ENGLISH?!